Thursday 26 May 2016

Lifestory work

We recently received Peter's lifestory book from the local authority. These days they aren't so much a "book" as a "chapter", covering the child's story from birth to adoption. The adoptive parents are encouraged to add a chapter of their own to the beginning and end to soften the impact of the difficult information in the middle. This is vaguely how they should go:

- Peter is a kind, loving and clever boy who lives with his Mummy and Mama and their two dogs Lady and Nana. He is seven years old and he enjoys playing tennis, going on adventures in the woods and drawing. His favourite colour is green and he loves to eat spaghetti! Here is a photo of his family out on a bike ride together.

- Peter was born on 01/02/2010 in Newtown Hospital. He weighed 6lb 5oz. Peter's name means "rock". Here is a photo of Peter as a baby.

- Babies need to be looked after properly so that they can learn and grow. They need to be kept safe, they need enough food to eat, nappies, toys, a warm bed to sleep in, and lots of play and cuddles. Babies need grown-ups who love them, keep them safe and give them all the things they need. Love is not just a feeling, it also means giving someone what they need to be safe and happy.

- When Peter was a baby he lived with John and Christine, his sister Lizzy and his brother Harry. John and Christine loved their children, but they were unable to keep them safe, give them enough food to eat and help them learn all the things children need to learn. Sometimes XYZ happened (age appropriate explanation.) John and Christine were given lots of help to stop, but it's very hard to make changes and XYZ kept happening.

- Peter, Lizzy and Harry went to live with Dave and Helen, who are foster carers. Their job is to make sure children are clean and safe, have enough food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. They love the children, and help them learn and grow. The children couldn't stay there forever, so a wise judge made the decision about where they should live. He chose a very special Mummy and Mama for Peter. Here is a photo on the day they became a family.

- Here are photos from the day Peter first met his Mummy and Mama. (Bit about how we felt and what we did in the first few days and weeks.)

- Here are photos and descriptions of events and milestones since Peter moved in - first time at the seaside, first day at school, first lost tooth, birthdays, Christmasses, Summer holidays etc.

- Mummy, Mama and Peter are going to be a family forever. When Peter grows up, he wants to ride water slides and be a train driver!

Peter's seventh birthday is approaching, and to help him with his understanding of time we went back and looked at some photos of Peter from when he first moved in with us to now, including his fifth and sixth birthdays. Peter actually came into care (to different foster carers) the day before his fourth birthday, and the other day he asked me if he was going to move to a new home when he turns seven. Due to his autism, developmental delay and speech delay we're not sure how much he understands or remembers about his past but this was heart breaking. We reassured him that he'll be staying with us forever and make sure we openly talk about plans we have for the future together ("when you're eight we'll...", "when you're thirteen we can...") to help him cement that in his mind.

Sunday 17 April 2016

Butterfly baby

We've been raising butterflies from caterpillars again this year, and today was release day! Peter has been so excited to watch the caterpillars grow from tiny skinny caterpillars to big fat hairy caterpillars, and to change into chrysalises before emerging as butterflies. He knows the butterfly lifecycle well as butterflies are a special interest of his and we have several books on the subject.

We gathered up Russell and his ventilator, and everyone went outside into the garden for the big release. Last year when we did this Peter sat up on his garden slide to get a better view so this year he was adamant that nowhere else would do, and he needed to sit up on the slide again. Unfortunately none of the butterflies wanted to land on Peter's hand, so we didn't get the lovely photos we'd hoped for, but it was wonderful to see all four of them fly away to start their adventures and hopefully lay eggs of their own.

The butterflies were content and happy in their little habitat on top of our fishtank - they had everything they needed to grow, they were safe and well cared for and they weren't missing the world outside because they didn't know it existed. The metaphor of being raised in a small space and not knowing any different, and then one day being released into the big wide world wasn't lost on us, and it's one we'll perhaps share with Russell as he grows up and starts asking questions about his babyhood and long hospital stay. He's loving his newfound freedom and is grasping every opportunity that comes his way, as I expect our four little butterflies are too!

Saturday 26 March 2016

Life story memories

After nearly sixteen months in hospital and nine months in our family, Russell is home! We're so pleased that he's finally here, and our family and friends are queuing up to visit and meet him.

As we were packing up his hospital room we came across lots of items that we had no idea where they'd come from. Teddies, toys, blankets and even clothes regularly appeared in his room when we weren't there, we'd ask the nurses who'd left them but they often didn't know.

As foster carers, one of our most important tasks is helping a child to keep track of their life story whilst they're with us and beyond, and a big part of that is tangible memories such as little outfits, presents, photos, artwork etc. with an explanation of their meaning. A teddy near a hospital cot could be a gift from a nurse, it could have been left by a charity who provide little presents for children in hospital, it could have been passed on by a social worker from another relative, it could have been brought by a parent during contact, or it might not even be Russell's! We had kept a particular blanket early on that said "My mummy loves me" in the corner, feeling sure that it was from Russell's mother, and then had found a tiny label that proved it was just one from the hospital store cupboard.

Thankfully, the play specialists on the ward where Russell spent the most time were very good. They took photos of him every week, made little hand and footprint paintings every couple of months, and compiled these together into a folder as a record of his time there, including bravery certificates for his various procedures. As he grows up he'll be able to look back on these and see how tiny he was as a premature newborn, how quickly he grew, how much he smiled even with tubes and machines everywhere, and will hopefully realise that even though he had a long hospital stay, he was very much loved and cared for first by the nurses, and then by us.

Tuesday 23 February 2016

New adventures

It's been a couple of months since I updated the blog, because we've really just been rolling along as a family and haven't had anything interesting to talk about - Peter is progressing well and delighting everyone he meets, and Russell is adorable but still in hospital. I'm not going to lie - it's been hard, because this exhausting life of driving back and forth for 4 hours every couple of days and building up our hopes for discharge only for it to be cancelled at the last minute has already been more than double the planned number of months. Thankfully Russell is healthy and the issues with discharge are mostly logistical, so we will continue to wait, and hope that it won't be too long before he's home.

Our big news is that Peter will soon be our legal son! We first expressed interest in adopting him nearly two years ago. We've been assessed and approved as adopters, the placement order we've been waiting for has now been granted with a plan of adoption by us, we're going to matching panel next month and will put in our application for an adoption order straight away.

He was placed with us age four years and three months, having had a failed foster placement already and carrying a label of "unadoptable" due to his severe autism and extreme behaviours. His social worker has always had a soft spot for him and could not be happier for us all which is lovely. It feels like an exciting new chapter in our lives is starting!